Life Sucks...and Then You Die...

Life sucks and then you die...
Can I die now? I've got the sucking-ness down perfectly. I'm not sure EXACTLY how it's sucking, but I can definatly tell that it does. I don't know what's going to happen this summer or how, and that's seriously starting to get to me. my VERY best friend has stopped talking to me again for some reason, but he has PLENTY of time to talk to his ex, who freaking cheated on him while he was in Iraq, and he knows she did. I miss home, and I miss my family, and I want to go back to Kansas, but i don't want to leave Him. I'm just having mixed feelings about everything, and I don't know what to do anymore. I'd talk to Him about it, but i can't seem to talk to him anymore because he won't freaking talk to me. GRR!!! I WANT to talk to him... but it's hard to talk to someone and tell them how you feel when they don't do the same with you. How can you be completly open with someone when they hide things and keep secrets? Do you have any idea how it feels to constantly be around the one you love, day and night, and RARELY get a hug, never a kiss, barely a conversation, and hardly any realization that you exsist? Let me tell you...it SUCKS, and it's soo depressing. Everyday he asks me the SAME two questions, "are you good?" "are you alright?", and everyday i answer the same way, "yea" or i just nod my head yes. I want to change my answer and say, "no, somethings been bothering me. and i really think we should talk about it.", but i can't. If he asks me, and i say, "no, i'm not alright"he'll ask me whats wrong, and i'm going to freeze, because i'll be back at the "how do you be completly open with someone when they constantly shut you out?" thing. I can't "open up", i don't know him anymore... it used to be soooo very easy to talk to him, about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING, and now... it's like i'm talking to a stranger. No, not a stranger, worse... a mere shell of Him. we're so distant now, and it feels so weird coming from him. Everytime i think about him, it's the same feelings as when we first started...if not more...and i just...i can't seem to let that part of my life go, no matter how much people tell me that i should. He's under a lot of stress right now. He;s got his PCSing stuff to take care of, getting a new car, and court for custody of his daughter. How do you talk to someone when you feel like you can't trust them anymore? He doesn't trust me anymore and i don't understand why... i don't lie to him, i don't keep things from him, no secrets...i tell him the truth, ALWAYS...i'vve already seen what happens when i don't, and yet...he still doesn't trust me anymore like he used to. My friends tell me that i can't live like this...that i need to get over one thing or the other...the facts that he can't trust me, we can't talk and stress is kicking in, or i have to get over him... I know that i can't keep living like this, but i can't live without HIM either. i can't sleep, i don't eat, i get constant miagranes, i'm having peptic ulcers from stress... i KNOW that i can't live like this, it's LITERALLY going to kill me, but i can't NOT live without him, that would kill me faster. i know that i have to choose, but i'm the most indecisive person that i know and right now...it's the WORST time for it...